I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize