just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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