To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
