i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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