I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is wine microwaveable?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
