My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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