you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
