dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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