It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
