I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
