If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
