I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
