did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
