We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
