I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
