I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
