Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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