If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
