It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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