One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Randomize
