Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Michael Bay diarrhea
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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