So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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