Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
