The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
