I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
