Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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