omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
