In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
