I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
