i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
