guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
be right there i have to get my cape
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
