my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
