worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
