My sheets look like a crime scene.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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