wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
