fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
