my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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