you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
