i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
