you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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