I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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