I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
