New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize