Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
