I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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