im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
