Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
