its not stalking. its research.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
