His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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