The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
