I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
