Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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