dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
