You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I am morally bankrupt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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