Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
