a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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