It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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