put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
