How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
