There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
