Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
