the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
