I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
