Cold hands, warm shart.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
