I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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