There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
